Fashion

Its time to write again, plenty of new things happened the last few days, I already feel the need to write in my invisible notebook :) However, this whole post is going to suck, my head is full of thoughts, but my body, and especially the fingers!, are sleeping; I smoked a copious amount of green substance tonight and I'm not in touch with my body :))Where do I begin?? :) I was so afraid the summer is going to be dull until I go home, but so far so good, its been fantastic :)) After me finally taking a firm stand on the whole break up matter I have time and strength to concentrate on my own activities, and I managed to do a whole range of new things, woop :D

I'll begin with the fashion show, yeii :)) I was backstage on a High Street fashion show in Canterbury this Saturday, and I worked as a dresser, haha :)) Wow....it was weird! In the good way, I have never practically been so close to so many clothes and professional models, and I managed to have a taste of many of the fashion shows aspects. i began with sorting out the individual model's rack of clothes. For example, if a store has sent a dress from their collection size 12, but the model is size 10, I need to take the dress and quickly exchange it for the proper size. So I spent the first few hours of my work day running from store to store, changing clothes and making sure all the outfits are present and put in the correct order. Then we transferred all the racks backstage and the models arrived!

About the models...they were so not what I expected!! To begin with, they were very beautiful, but not the kind of beauty my poor vain insecure woman heart was dreading, some kind of ephemeral beauty, perfection in human flesh, that would make me, the mortal, look ridiculous. They were pretty, in the sense that they were tall, and slim and slender, and with interesting features, but completely human like beautiful! So human, that the little flows like some uneven skin on the bum, or some not so perfect faces, or some heavy make up and unshaven armpits, looked more appealing, looked human, warm and familiar, and their beauty was shining, because they were not alien. I did fell a bit weird around them, with my short and chubby little personality, but soon I accepted their beauty, and I started enjoying it, I saw them like normal girls, not like threatening goddesses, whose while purpose was to make me feel awkward.

And their personality matched their looks! There were the occasional diva moments, coming form girls used to being in the centre, constantly exposed to the lights, but overall they were so normal int heir reactions, that in a sense only the height and the chosen career were the differences between all the girls backstage. One of the models was worried about her dry skin, another complaining about a swollen tummy after a heavy Indian dinner, third one was desperately fighting hey fever and was getting obsessive about the neatness of her hair, and one even got a call from her boyfriend, which get her so upset, she did the good old typically woman method of crying in secret, and pretending you have a cold....all of these things only too familiar....

They were so friendly in the end, answering my questions, taking pictures with us, cracking jokes and praising the amateur model girls for their work...I was pleasantly surprised by that too :) But the biggest surprise were the actual level of professionalism I observed today. The fashion show being not a major one, the models were not stressed too much about their looks of performance, but that only a mask, they were really determined to perform well! I admit I have been underestimating how complicated a fashion show is. The models had around six outfits in a show, and only a few minutes to change form one outfit to another. So they will come hurrying, will start undressing frantically, kicking heels everywhere and throwing clothes on the floor, and its the dressers' job to help them squeeze into the next outfit, pick up the clothes and prepare the next set...all of this in like 3 minutes :)) Both the models and the dressers are working hard, and its quite funny how the models are the faces, the bodies, in a sense the stars, but they are so dependant on the dressers, its more of a team work, not so much an individual an effort. It felt good, and the models did appreciate us, which was nice :)

There were so many things I wanted to ask them...As someone who has never felt particularly beautiful I chose my brains as my most important quality, and I know only too good how it feels to be judged about how clever, I wonder how it feels to be judged constantly about how you look...They changed so many clothes, some of them ill fitting, with zippers not going up properly, with too tight skirts, I almost had a hear attack only watching them, let alone having to do the same... Whenever I am trying on a piece of clothing, it always seems like a mini personal fight, and if the clothes don't fit I feel like losing, but that just me and my insecure nature...I wanted to ask them how does it feel and how much does it cost to always put on the clothes and work them as if you think you look fabulous...it must be pretty hard..almost unnatural...

Anyway, I really enjoyed the fashion show and I have loads of pictures of my friends and the stage, as well as some form backstage, which I might upload later. It was a brilliant day, although completely outside my comfort zone, but it did me a whole bunch of new things I didn't know and didn't notice before :)

As I am growing more and more tired, and even midnight raspberry sorbet wont wake me up after all the smoking, I will go to bed now and dream about tall women on tall shoes in rooms with tall ceilings :)) What else happened to me? Two guys were hitting on me in the coffee shop, one of them unsurprisngly annoyed me and even creeped me out a bit, the other one I surprisingly liked, both of us working quietly on the same sofa, little electricity in the air...but only little because everything still feels weird, and I came to the conclusion every time after a big change we start from scratch, and no past knowledge is left for referencing, all is gone and the new is as scary and exciting as ever. Also, i had a few nice nights out with my mates, met some lovely Dutch people, lovely girls indeed!; decided on the future four destinations ahead of me, for my Masters degree; burnt heavily on the chest area from sitting in the park too much; missed my brother's prom, but I'm gonna catch up with him in the summer; got disappointed with my individual project's marl, almost went back to my old violent ways, desperately scratching in my skin all the frustration from some silly percentages, when what is great about me is a sheet of paper away and its real, and no percentages can reflect on it.I also wrote for a website for journalism, i was invited and already produced an article on the politicians' madness and university fees :) And I have been eating again, determined to stay with this weight, and if lose d it the right way, as the summer is finally here and I want to enjoy every second of it, every breath of it, I want to forget the cold winter and the rainy spring....Its sunny summer and I'm 28 days away from home and sheer bliss :)) As a whole- great few days :))