I am dealing with the most interesting and saucy idea that has crossed my mind the last few weeks :)) Since the break up I got back on the singleton market and I am experiencing all these aspects of being currently not involved and very sexually active, in other words horny :)) So far it is just ideas in my head, but as every over-analytical woman I can't help it but think what it would be if....
Alright, now we have all had this conversation with our friends, both men and women, about sleeping with a stranger...very very soon :D We have all been there at one point, if not actually doing it at least thinking seriously about it, especially after a big change, when we desperately need to feel attractive and wanted again. Because I am praising myself for being honest, and in the interest of fair and personal journalism, I will admit I have done it, and I will share I have mixed impressions :)) In some of the times it worked perfectly, as it gave me exactly what I needed at that point, meaning casual sex with no commitment and an immediate boost up of my confidence and libido! On other occasions...well it just made me feel awkward, usually after the alcoholic delirium is over and I find myself in the bed of a complete stranger... who is not even that attractive anymore :)) So every time I find myself flirting with a cute boy, with the perspectives of some more personal contact looking promising, I am going over the whole debate on having sex with a guy(girl) on the first date...or even without a date :) And as my friends currently are away and we can't share thoughts and opinions, I decided to Google the problem and see what anonymous strangers have to say about it.
The first opinion I read was actually from a popular question-answer site, and the author- a 14-years-old girl-was sharing how she got drunk at a party and slept with a guy in the bathroom...without using a condom and already feeling sick, convinced she is pregnant and it is morning sickness....I mean... :)) I'll probably go to hell for thinking that, but come on!! This poor too-early-too-active lass actually represents the very end of the whole debate, there is no debate at that point, the sex has happened, the protection hasn't happened, now all that is left is worrying about the consequences and possibly a quite embarrassing visit to the doctors. Although I am infamous among my friends for being reckless in my sexual endeavours, I can presume this period is over for me. I am no longer getting really drunk and having accidental sex without condoms, now I try to be more mature and sophisticated and have intentional sex with all the protection necessary :) I did feel sorry for the wee girl, she is representative of our earliest impressions on sex, although at her age I didn't even know I was a girl (methaphorically), and I sure hope all went fine with her and these days she is not pregnant and on her way to growing up and becoming more responsible about sex.
The next post I came across was honestly hilarious!! :D It was from a guy...sharing website, where one self proclaimed womaniser was giving tips and practical advises on how to get action on the first date, haha :D Maan, if my ego is pretty pretty big, this guy's ego has already swallowed him, as he kept on talking about how many women he slept with, and how good he was. I simply have to quote him: "You might think that these sorts of experiences will boost your ego and inflate your head. You're right, but be warned that it might also blur your perception of women.I have slept with many women, ranging from single ones, to those with boyfriends, fiancees, husbands -- I've even bedded good female friends." Hahahahaaa :)) Now the guy writes a very long "article" on how guys can get women to sleep with them on the first date, however it was closed for non members, and I don't think I will ever bother myself with joining his appreciation group or whatever, the twat...What I got from his site though, is the forever going bullshit theory, that when men sleep with lots of women on the first date they are players. When a woman does exactly the same all of a sudden she is slagged off for being promiscuous!! Now I don't often come across as a feminist, but that bloody does my heading! The guy goes on and on about what a pimp player he is, and how easy it is to get women in bed, and he refers to the same women as his conquests (!!!) and cliche stereotypes, using "lines" to explain their sluttyness. Now that is bloody awful! If something is stopping me from having sex with a guy for the sheer physical pleasure only, is the possibility of me ending up in someones blog or men's conversation as an easy slutty girl, who got TRICKED into having sex on the first date. When it is the other way around! Nobody tricks me into nothing, its not like I see a hot guy in a club and I think "Oh,I would really love to get to know him, and have a relationship with him, and get him to respect me.." blah blah blah... I'm probably thinking "Oh, he is hot, I would love to shag him and never see him again!" I see no problem in two people having sex with no attachment, maybe I feel mature and evolved enough to say it, sometimes it is not a super serious relationship we are after, especially when we are in out twenties. But I simply hate it when guys see themselves as some kind of urban hunters, using tricks to get women to be with them, when they are also sexual objects, just like the women they chase so much, because we all want the same thing. It would make things much more pleasant and not embarrassing for everyone, if men realised that, as women do. Pardon my feminist ways, but society has made women feel promiscuous and slutty when wanting to fulfil the normal desire of human closeness....
So far I haven't really made it clear fro myself exactly how I feel about having sex with a stranger, or on a first date (for me these two expressions overlap to a great extent, so I'm just going to use one of them). On one hand I feel more grown up than I used to, I think I can handle having sex without commitment of any kind, and without feeling slutty, using all protection to preserve my health and safety. However, on the other hand I can see guys sleeping with me, and telling all about it to their lads, using me as a trophy of some kind, of a proof what players their are, while I am risking public condemnation for being a whore. I'll have to look at one more publishing on the web, and hopefully I will come across something interesting. But before that, a brief thought on what a whore means. I am not entirely sure what the word means in the UK, is it just a woman having sex outside committed relationship or marriage, meaning sex for the physical pleasure only, or is it something else? In Bulgaria, we call whores men and women who sleep with other people in order to gain some personal advantage, using their bodies. For example, if I am sleeping with a much older guy, without feeling any attraction to him, but simply wanting him to buy me clothes lets say, that will pretty much classify me as a whore. I would be a woman sleeping with people to get something, using the people I sleep with. I am not sure what whore means in here. If it means simply a sexually active/independent/open-minded woman then we have a problem!!
Anyway...the third post I read was definitely the best one so far, although it still uses terms I can't agree with. I found it in a free articles website, under the title "Having sex without commitment". It was a pretty agreeable piece on how things has simply changed and these days people don't look into sex as much as they used to do before. these days you can simply have sex for the sake of it, just like "Sex and the city" preach, it is almost like being modern is all about having sex and no romance. As I said, I don't have a problem with it, as I find myself having tasted both sides. I have had one night stands, and I have had sex in a "serious" relationship and guess what...both times it didn't last! So these days I return to the basic, thinking that I might not be mature enough for a committed long-term romantic relationship, being only 21, but I am as ready as possible for having great sex :)) However, people keep thinking about sex with no commitment as a game, as a trickery, as someone using someone else, lying to them and breaking their heart. I simply don't agree with it, or at least I won't be having sex with a guy, seeing our night of passion as challenge or a game to win. Why not refer to it as two equal individuals fulfilling their mutual need for some physical closeness, for some hugging and kissing, for an immediate rush of adrenalin, without ending up feeling played or treated as whores!
Wow...it is already past one in the morning, and I am not getting anywhere near resolving this debate. It might be because everything is absolutely individual and you can't make generalisations. Different people feel things in a different way, and if I am going to pursue fulfillment of mu natural needs I'd better find someone with similar understandings and a shared feeling of discretion! Or not get bothered about people calling me a slut behind my back ;)) It is summer....and I am only human...haha!
* Madonna rocks man...
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