My room is finally clean, and hopefully my life is clean as well. I am not a tidy person by any means, but I put an enormous amount of time tidying up my room, constantly bugged by something, making the harmony I wanted spoiled. Finally I got it, it was all these stupid cards with little stupid fluffy things on them, inside words with no soul, read so many times, until they lost their meaning and became as bad as a lie. I put them all in a box, along with Bulgbarian (goodbye cuddly friend, it was never your fault), and with a grey box with a little silver heart...all this tokens of love, which never happened. They will stay under my table for as long as I move out and then who knows what is going to happen to them...
I finally erased all the messages, and on top of the ones I had written down I put a white sheet, so that I wont be able to read them anymore. And I have one friend less in facebook, now I can stop waiting for a message, or checking his page a dozen times, to see what he is up to. I shouldn't care anymore, I should only care about myself and my peace and quiet. I know it sounds like a weird explanation, as I keep talking about the summer, the time of the year I was waiting for so long, but inside me now it feels like snowing, feels like the first snow covering everything ugly and painful, and making it all white,even, calm. Its going to snow until I forget everything.
It feels awful and unnatural, I have never been so drastic and so...cold to anyone before, but this time I'm saving myself. No matter how bad it feels now, I can already feel the bitterness slipping away, it has never been like me to stay in the same place for too long. Not all songs are love songs, and soon I'll be singing a new one :)
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