You are the past and we are the present (skin and colour)

Most of the things written in this blog come without any structure and plan, they don't follow one another. They simply reflect the chaotic way in which I think, the different emotions that cross my mind. And they usually come to me randomly, out of the blue. Like tonight, when I was supposed to finish my dissertation proposal and transcribe the last interview for the blog. Instead of this I watched "Save the last Dance", and that came like a frikking revelation, like something that has been boiling inside my brain for a while, but need the proper provocation in order to burst its way to freedom. No, I'm not talking about the movie itself, I'm not a film critic, and I don't really care how good or how bad it is, although I like the music and I love Julia Stiles. What I'm thinking about are the relationships people have with each other, and the million separations between them. Its all about how you perceive yourself and the others, and apparently...on which side you were born.

Now let me tell you something about the sides! I was born in a marginalised family to begin with, with both my parents being "different" from the rest of society, so I have never been taught to judge, or criticise, or marginalise, or have prejudices. And maybe that is playing me a bad joke now, because apparently the rest of the world is full of prejudices, and there are these spoken and unspoken of groups, and people want to belong on only one of them, and they want it so bad, that they find it difficult to communicate with the other groups, and inevitably the clash is waiting to happen.

I admit, before I came to the UK the notion about different races was never a big part of my life. Bulgaria is pretty small, pretty unpopular, pretty conservative and traditional, there are not a lot of black people around, certainly not born there, and I have to admit, shame on my homeland, they are not treated too well. Not that it is the case of an outrageous racism, although it does happen sometimes, like in every country around the world. The Bulgarians are nice and friendly people, they just have a problem with adjusting to new things I guess. I had to come to university abroad to experience a cultural shock and find myself surrounded by all these different people from different races, in order to loosen up a bit and broaden my horizon so so much! Now I not only feel perfectly comfortable around people with different ethnicity and nationality, not only do I enjoy their company immensely, but I'm also starting to think one step forward. I started being annoyed with the separations existing in society, in people themselves, those invisible barriers we find difficult to cross. Call me naive and gullible and whatever you want, but what I want is to be myself with people from other races, to like them and being liked back without any change being necessary. I don't want to be dictated by society, "we are all equal, but we cant really be friends, because we are so different". How fucking difficult are we, and is that the whole problem, or is there something wrong about the way we live next to and think about people? Is there something wrong with our damn society as well?!

I am going to follow the plot line of "Save the Last Dance", because that would make it easier for me to put in order the chaotic thoughts and emotions. So first came the neighbourhood. Now I'm not sure what to think about that. I have never been in any other neighbourhood, honestly, but my own in Sofia, and yes, it is very white, simply because we don't have a lot of people from other races! We have the Gypsies, who always live in their own neighbourhoods, but there the separation is mainly cultural/criminal/financial, not so much racial, at least in my opinion. So I have never seen a predominately black neighbourhood, and I have never been in a school, or any institution, where I have been a minority race wise. So when Sarah was walking through her new school, receiving all those looks, I kept wandering why, why do people see skin colour as such a barrier, such a major difference? Is it just the social and cultural connotations, or do we actually think that the skin colour really determines who and what we are?

I personally don't ever want to be thought about only as a person from a certain colour. I did not choose it, it came in my genes, so how can that be the main thing about me? If you connect skin colour to a social status, or to some stereotype, then you are up for a surprise, inequality these days is not about skin colour so much. If you think there are no poor, discriminated, let down white people, for example, you are wrong. It must be something else.

Is it possibly the clash of two cultures, where the one needs to conquer the other? I mean Sarah learning how to use "slamming", dance to hip-hop music, or sit and walk in a certain way. To be honest I felt quite stupid watching that. Instead of preaching equality, in the sense that not a change in posture and speech is needed, in order for people to mix well and be with each other normally. Its always the case of a certain culture having to be the dominant. It would be like me taking a Kenyan friend to Bulgaria for a visit, and teaching them how to walk, talk, nod, drink, eat,sleep, laugh, etc. the Bulgarian way. Hell no, there is no need for that, we should be all free to act our way, and no change should be necessary, unless we really want it!

For me personally its not about change at all. Its all about diversity and enrichment. I simply love talking to, and befriending people from very different cultures and different ethnicity. I don't change who I am and the way I sit in a chair, I simply know more and know how to do more! I would not give up me learning Dutch, or Swahili, or my beautiful Saree, but I also keep nodding the Bulgarian way, despite the rest of the world :)) Its not about change for me...its about diversity!

What I loved about the movie, is that despite the differences people claim to be rooted in skin colour and social background, these "different worlds", people still fins ways to each other, love and friendship. Since I started having many friends from many different races, nationalities and backgrounds, I started loving the possibility of me finding closeness and intimacy in any of them, and I also hope people from all these different places around the world, who I love so much, love me too, despite our skin colour being different. And this is a journey for me, because where I come from things are different, unfortunately. When I was leaving for university, education was the last thing on the mind of some of my relatives. My grandparents, especially the grandmas, gave me their blessings to go abroad, mainly to find an eligible man to marry and thus fulfil my purpose on Earth! The only guidance I received in relation to who I must choose, was to stick to French and Italian guys a.d stay away from the black ones! ( I am so sorry to anyone I am offending right now, but cut me some slag will you, I'm only being honest, and its not you who has to marry!) Right now I'm thinking...Sorry nanas but it bloody doesn't matter for me and for many other people anymore!! I find other races extremely attractive, yes in the bloody sexual way of course, and guess what, other things will be more important when I choose a partner, not the skin colour! (I don't really want to go into why I find guys from different race attractive, its been a while since I was in a relationship, this post my turn into something quite close to porn in the end so I'd better drop it :))

However, things don't seem to as simple as I want them to be. Again, following the plot of the movie, Chenille argues with Sarah, that there are two different worlds existing, that there is no point in mixing the "milk" and "chocolate", that white girls should stick to white guys and leave black guys to black girls. How about this-everybody should look for what they like and feel attracted to, and the skin colour be the last thing on their mind? There is one world, one world only that we all share, and I cant believe the skin colour prejudice is going to be so strong as to change your heart, even if you feel so very attracted to a person from a different colour. ( I know I would be upset if a nice guy does not ask me out just because my skin colour...and I would also hate to miss the chance because of my own fears and prejudices.) In that sense...sorry nanas, you are the past and we are the present!

Is it just me? I am not denying the fact, that racial discrimination still exists, in some places and societies it is a very serious notion indeed. Something is telling me that my visit to Nepal, for example, will not go without certain looks and comments; and also my friends from Nigeria, lets say, will get the same treatment. However, what I know for sure is that despite the world being a bad place, it is up to people to find a way to each other. And people never seize to surprise me, so I'm sure they will, in one way or another. I wish I could hear the views of many people of colour, whatever the colour, and many people who are from mixed backgrounds, because I do appreciate the fact that my ways are not everybody elses ways. Is it just me? I don't know for now...all I know s that for me skin colour is not a barrier, or I don't want it to be....All I see it as is a nice contrast when close to each other...and inner and outer diversity. Peace!